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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Administrator
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You say:
“Those bloody civil servant servants
Are all on strike again.”
But wait, before you postulate
Things might not be so insane.
Our previously advantaged government
Specialised in clumsy stealth
Whilst our new duly appointed officers
Have formed the Ministry of Personal Wealth.
They say
“We are slowing down corruption
And starting accountability
But give us time to be accountable
‘Cos we need one more million or three.”
What happened to the role models?
Abe Lincoln, Nelson and the like
Who do Civil Servants look up to?
No wonder they’ve all gone on strike.
So adopt a Civil Servant
It will not cost you dear
Make things better by sitting at Gilroy’s
And buying them a beer.
Janice Joplin wrote ‘Mercedes Benz’ in the 60’s – it went something like this:
“Jacob won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz
I’ve heard that you’re giving them out to your friends
I can fight unemployment by voting for you
Jacob, won’t you give me a job I won’t do. |
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Administrator
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They poached the last rhino
In our local reserve
Far reducing our natural wealth;
She was killed for her horn
‘Cos some rich man was worn
And just couldn’t raise one himself.
So sad, an indictment for our shallow race
Such loss,
‘Cos his dick doesn’t rise!
Whilst a child rhino grieves,
This arsehole believes
He’s a man in the young ladies’ eyes.
Guys, the years will advance
So don’t take the chance
You may need your glasses or dentures;
But the answer is here
In good wholesome beer
To maintain all your amorous adventures.
And if all the world knew
This fact to be true
Glasses would always be brimmin’
And rhinos would be
Safe, happy and free
And we’d have a lot more smiling women! |
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Administrator
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The General Store opens next week
With wonders beyond your belief.
We have everything “Gilroy’s” your heart could desire
I’ll list them and try to be brief.
We’ve got beer and we’ve got branded glasses
We’ve got a fridge selling interesting cheese;
We’ve got elegant hoodies and all sorts of goodies
And rings so you don’t lose your keys.
We’ve got golf shirts for men and for ladies
We’ve got fleeces to keep out the cold,
We’ve got warm scarves and beanies to fit in-betweenies
Caps and jackets for both young and old.
We’ve got Vincent with home-brewing magic
And all of the stuff that you need -
All the home-brewing gear to make really good beer
It’s a very good hobby indeed.
But the item that I’m most proud of
If you’re hunting a gift, here’s a tip
It’s a bold innovation to stop your frustration
For the gentlemen braaiers – the zip!
What do you do with your apron
When you’re bursting to go to the loo?
It’s a serious crime when you’ve run out of time
And your whatsit can’t find the way through.
Your apron’s thrown over your shoulder
Or precariously clenched in your teeth
It’s a balancing act and it finds its way back
To inhibit your sublime relief!
So, here’s the unique Gilroy apron
The invention the world’s waited for;
Give a long grateful sigh I’ve installed a zip fly
You will suffer the anguish no more!
“UP Yours” |
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"You drink a lot of beer" |
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Steve Gilroy
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She said, “I have been watching you
You drink a lot of your beer.”
I said, “Madam, the term is quality control
And I do this so you have no fear
That the beer you drink at Gilroy’s
Is the finest in the land?
And why this thing is worrying you
I cannot understand.”
She said, “Do you know if you’re coming or going?”
I said, “In this I am well versed
If it’s a question of coming or going
I relate very well to the first.”
Having said that posed a problem,
And for one who’s so well bred
The Gilroy toast of, “Hey, Up Yours”
Was better left, than said! |
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Des
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Des said, “Gil, you’re always writing
About ladies’ bits
Of tight jeans and bottoms
How about the size of their wits?”
So, in order to be
Paralytically correct
Here’s one for the ladies
About a different ‘Asspect’!
You’re facing each other
With smiles of great joy,
But he treats all behind him
To another side of the boy!
His jeans are too loose
His shorts are too slack
And, unwittingly looming,
His proud plumber’s crack!
So, the next time you spot
An expanse of white arse
Gently enquire
Would you like a flower for that vase?
Because nobody tells us
Thinking that would be rude
But we’d rather be told,
Then put folks off their food.
The sun doesn’t shine there
And it’s strangely not class
To show the world your impression
Of the great Khyber Pass.
So ladies the truth is
Now you have the power
For an attack of back cleavage
Always carry a flower.
Smile and say, “Up Yours” |
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To look or not to look – that is the question! |
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Steve Gilroy
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Life is full of mysteries
Unsolved as years go on
SOf all the riddles unresolved
Cleavage is the one!
The subject it seems is delicate
And one no man can fathom
When sometimes they are merely there
And other times cause men spasm.
“My face is up here!” the ladies say
But it’s not an open book -
When they’re half way out and all about
Are men not supposed to look?
We try to go by protocol
Pretending not to care
But they’re being exposed for a reason
Surely it’s rude for us not to stare?
So, gentlemen, subtle compliments
On the cut or style of the dress
But if you’re accused that the moment’s abused
Be honest and confess!
Give open admiration
And even a round of applause
But always look them in the eye
When raising a glass with, “Up Yours.”
So ladies, here’s a challenge
Men are a blessing or a curse
If you have an answer
Please send it to us in a verse.
Send your poem to the address below
Make it neither too prissy nor crude
And we’ll publish it in next week’s mail
If we didn’t, now that would really be rude!
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Linda Greipel from Silverstar Casino |
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Linda Greipel from Silverstar Casino
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Oh I wish I had boobs that would wobble
Mine just stay still in one place
In the breast hall of fame
You won’t see my name
For my boobs there would be a disgrace
Sure boobs of my size have their merit
They’re easy to fit with a bra
And when I go for a dip
You won’t see one slip…out
They stay put…just where they are
And I’m not one to seek much attention
So you won’t find me strutting about
In a boob tube that’s trying
By gravity defying
To leave no room, not even for doubt
But I sure envy big-breasted women
I’ve seen them at parties you know
With all confidence thrust
In their mighty big bust
Entrancing the men as they go
Though I’ve heard from a big bosomed buddy
That it’s not all it’s cracked up to be
She says in frustration
“Try to hold conversation
When there’s only two things a guy sees”
Now if I paid a few grand to enlarge them
To, say thirty-six b or c
Would they still look so natural
And could I class them as collateral
Sorta like home improvements on me
Now I’ve not taken this boob thing just lightly
I’ve done quite a bit of research
As I try to keep abreast
In my mammary quest
I’ve found there’s a bit to be learned
There’s questions that need to be answered
Like cleavage, how wide and how deep
I can have nipples bigger
But somehow I figured
They could poke Sweetie’s eye in his sleep
Oh, I wish I had boobs that were awesome
I’d buy a bright red bathing suit
On the beach I would run
In slow motion for fun
To show off my best attribute.
Now don’t think I’d just get them for vanity
There’s much I’d aspire to do
I could feed many babies
When I was lactating
And for convenience, I could offer drive-thru
In a t-shirt I’d test air conditioning
They could ‘see’ if they had it too low
And if I stood outside
My breasts pumped up with pride
Police use me to stop traffic flow
Well you can see I’ve a lot to consider
For the big plunge, I need some more time
So I’ll keep you updated
But for now they’re just fated
To stay as they are for a while
And there’s my sweetie who totally accepts me
For he loves each and every little…bit
He says “stay as you are
You’re the most beautiful by far”
As he gazes into my eyes…not my tits
Submitted by Linda Greipel from Silverstar Casino – there are some really talented people there. There are more to come - these we will share with you in the coming weeks. |
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Administrator
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The Octoberfest was brilliant
The Germans in no way austere
Octoberfest in September?
They needed an Irish style beer.
Young ladies bouncing around and about,
Everyone, everywhere smiled.
There was beer and beer and food and beer
And ladies had all men beguiled!
The party was a lot of fun
There wasn’t much verboten!
There was beer and beer and beer and beer
At the schule on Simon Vermooten.
We heroes returned on Sunday
Shouting, “We made a good job of that!”
Stumbling on steps that weren’t really there
The ground was deceptively flat!
Indeed it was a paradise
For any and every beer lover
But we have to wait until next year
For Pretoria to fully recover.
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An easier life for the lasses |
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Steve Gilroy
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Ladies! A bold new idea from Gilroy’s to make your life easier!
We know they cause you problems
When you’re off for your shopping treat.
They complain and wail about the time
And are constantly under your feet!
So, as a service to you
We’ve started a crèche for men,
To help you cope with your busy day
And even get out now and then.
You can leave them here at Gilroy’s
With little doubt or fear,
We’ll do our best to keep them safe
Just give them money for beer!
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Steve Gilroy
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Now is the winter of our discontent
Soon to summer again.
The owls and the pussycats nod in assent
And the flowers could use some rain!
Companies are booking their end of year do’s
And looking for just the right place.
So, give us a ring - there is no time to lose
We’ll bring a smile to your face.
It’s good to book early – not leave it too late
And end up in panic or poo.
We do it all - from both big or small
And we do it because we love you.
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Steve Gilroy
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It’s still pretty chilly
It’s not over yet,
But summer will come
That’s a fairly safe bet.
‘Haydaze’ are back
For the Saturday set,
They’re in good condition
Just ask Kevin the vet! |
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The status of man and mortality |
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Ian Tofield
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The brags of life are but a nine-days wonder:
And after death the fumes that spring
From private bodies, make as big a thunder
As those which rise from a huge king.
Writes Elizabethan poet, George Herbert
So, while the blood is coursing stronger
And while we all still think we’re boys
Leave us tarry no while no longer
Haste us down and quaff Gilroy’s.
Tremble, McGonagle! Quake, Milligan!
Addition by Ian Tofield
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Steve Gilroy
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Last week was great
We drank and ate
And listened to guitars
Rhythm and Blues and Blue Suede Shoes
Out bands are really stars.
All the weeks to come
We'll have more fun
So check you calendars
We'll dance and sign
And rafters ring
And raise a good few jars! |
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Steve Gilroy
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It’s Fathers Day the ladies cried
How shall we fill it with cheer?
And so they searched both far and wide
Which seemed a little queer!
Because the solution was in plain sight
The answer very clear -
We’ll go round to Gilroy’s
For music, Can Can and beer!
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Excerpt from “The Brewer of Venice” by William Shakespeare and Gil: |
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Steve Gilroy
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Portia stands to address the judges
The air is sombre - a knife is being sharpened
She slowly looks up and speaks.
“The quality of Gilroy’s is not strained
it droppeth as golden nectar from the cask
into the mug below
It is twice blessed it blesses both
the giver and the drinker
It is mightiest of the mightiest
it befits the throned monarch
better than his crown
There is little on this good green earth
that beats a Serious drinketh going down.
The judges nod in agreement and file away solemnly
exeunt stage right chanting in unison
‘Soddeth this, we’re off for a jug or two’
Alls well that ends well.”
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Odes to Gilroy
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Written by Dave Tapp
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There is a god ‘mongst men the name of Gil
And for his beer near any man would kill
His daughters two were comely as a rose
And last his wife from whom that trait arose
Thus we the scene have set in this our tale
The nature of it to describe the ale
Lager, Fav’rite, Trad and Serious
The lack of which would make a pontiff cuss
When life its slings and arrows often throws
To lose us in the worries and the woes
Just one sip of this beguiling cup
Will serve to bring our spirits rising up
Gils beer by heaven surely must be sent
‘Tis ‘nuff to make Beelzebub repent
So lucky we who gargle Gils libation
The finest beer for sure in all the nation ~ Dave Tapp |
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